sandra_4677 | If I Was Thin

There are many names for the kind of normalcy & body type that I crave ie. thin, skinny, tiny, or slender. Those are the women that men want. The skinny ones. The pretty ones. The ones that they can lift up with ease. The sexy ones that cause men & women to stare with admiration.

I wonder though... if I was thin, would I be happier? Would I find the peace and acceptance I have been seeking? If I was 90 pounds lighter, would I finally be able to accept myself? Would shedding half my body weight help me find true love? Would men find me loveable finally or would it cause me more pain? Would they continue to use me and throw me away? I know that I am holding onto this weight to protect myself, but from what exactly? I am one big contradiction. One moment I am very happy to be single = no risk of rejection by a man. The next moment, I am frustrated & hurt = I long to be desired and loved by a man. I am so dizzy with these contradictions my heart causes.

If I was thin, would I feel less empty when shopping for clothes? Would I finally be able to try on jeans & not cry? If so, why does that mean my life would be better? Would it change how anyone else views me? Would my friends see me differently? Would I be seen as more respectable, because I weigh less?

Would I finally be able to respect myself.... if I was thin?