Sandra Bluem (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sandra_4677) wrote2010-06-20 08:29 am
sandra_4677) wrote2010-06-20 08:29 am
Dating... uh... no!
Ok, can someone please help me figure this out. I've been dipping my toes back into the pool of online dating. I've tried 4 different sites and keep getting the same results. No, they aren't good results. How I wish I had better results, but alas... here is the mess that is my romantic life.
After being hurt and rejected as badly as I was last year, you would think I would have learned something. Well, I did actually. I learned that I am content to be "alone" , for now. I should guard my heart, and not trust so easily. When I say that I am "alone", my friends freak out on me as if I just told them I was joining the church of Scientology. There is this need to say, "No, you aren't alone, Sandra. Stop saying things like that. If you keep saying that, you will end up alone". I know my friends love me, but come on - I would rather be alone for the right reasons than with someone for the wrong reasons. Yep, you heard that line in one of my favorite movies.
I digress. My quandary is this: Why do I keep putting myself on dating sites when I know I will be disappointed? The men that keep writing to me are just... well, my Goddess loves all of Her children, but the guys that write to me fit into one of the following categories:
1- Just rolled out from under one of his many cars (in his front yard) and then used his phone to snap his picture. Toothless men need love too, but why do they think that I would be interested in paying for his 3 kids from 3 other women? At least put on a shirt that doesn't have grease stains all over it, ok! Cutting off the sleeves doesn't change the fact that your Van Halen shirt from 1986 is still a shirt from 1986. You live with your mother in that trailer, so at least make sure she irons that tank-top, alright?
2- We all have a special place in our hearts for Sloth from "Goonies", but I don't want to date him... or his cousin... or his son... or his brother. I've gotten e-mails from all of them! Don't call me shallow, please. To some people, I am not even a 5 on a 1-10 scale, but let me live in my fantasy that I am hot, ok? Yes, I said it! H-O-T!
3- I already have a Grandpa, so why do creepy old men keep writing to me? Even more disturbing, is the dirtiest things said to me on these dating sites have come from men that are so old that they were in High School or College during the Great Depression. They listened to the inauguration of FDR on the radio & fought prohibition. Now, THAT depresses me... major "ick" factor there.
4-No, I don't want to be your 3rd wife or teach you proper English. As tempting as it is, the thought of moving to Saudia Arabia to join your Harem is just not in the cards for me.
5- 'America's Most Wanted' & 'To Catch A Predator' are good shows. They could have a higher rate of capture if they just searched Yahoo Personals, Lavalife and OK Cupid. They are all there!
6-In case you thought this whole list was based on appearance - nope! I have gotten some nice e-mails that made me smile... until they disclosed that they were married, but "the wife doesn't have to know. Wink Wink". Uhhhh... no wink wink! Sandra doesn't "wink wink" ok? In some cases "the wife" sent her man out to find someone to spice things up. Not this feminist. Women don't like to be called THE______ anything, alright? In the words of Hall & Oats, "I can't go for that... no can do."
Lastly, I know I am overweight, but please don't tell me it doesn't matter to you. I know it does. All women KNOW that it matters. Please stop telling me that you like a curvy woman, but when you meet me, tell me that you "prefer athletic women". *** News flash boys - I can lose weight, but you will always be a total prick! ***
After being hurt and rejected as badly as I was last year, you would think I would have learned something. Well, I did actually. I learned that I am content to be "alone" , for now. I should guard my heart, and not trust so easily. When I say that I am "alone", my friends freak out on me as if I just told them I was joining the church of Scientology. There is this need to say, "No, you aren't alone, Sandra. Stop saying things like that. If you keep saying that, you will end up alone". I know my friends love me, but come on - I would rather be alone for the right reasons than with someone for the wrong reasons. Yep, you heard that line in one of my favorite movies.
I digress. My quandary is this: Why do I keep putting myself on dating sites when I know I will be disappointed? The men that keep writing to me are just... well, my Goddess loves all of Her children, but the guys that write to me fit into one of the following categories:
1- Just rolled out from under one of his many cars (in his front yard) and then used his phone to snap his picture. Toothless men need love too, but why do they think that I would be interested in paying for his 3 kids from 3 other women? At least put on a shirt that doesn't have grease stains all over it, ok! Cutting off the sleeves doesn't change the fact that your Van Halen shirt from 1986 is still a shirt from 1986. You live with your mother in that trailer, so at least make sure she irons that tank-top, alright?
2- We all have a special place in our hearts for Sloth from "Goonies", but I don't want to date him... or his cousin... or his son... or his brother. I've gotten e-mails from all of them! Don't call me shallow, please. To some people, I am not even a 5 on a 1-10 scale, but let me live in my fantasy that I am hot, ok? Yes, I said it! H-O-T!
3- I already have a Grandpa, so why do creepy old men keep writing to me? Even more disturbing, is the dirtiest things said to me on these dating sites have come from men that are so old that they were in High School or College during the Great Depression. They listened to the inauguration of FDR on the radio & fought prohibition. Now, THAT depresses me... major "ick" factor there.
4-No, I don't want to be your 3rd wife or teach you proper English. As tempting as it is, the thought of moving to Saudia Arabia to join your Harem is just not in the cards for me.
5- 'America's Most Wanted' & 'To Catch A Predator' are good shows. They could have a higher rate of capture if they just searched Yahoo Personals, Lavalife and OK Cupid. They are all there!
6-In case you thought this whole list was based on appearance - nope! I have gotten some nice e-mails that made me smile... until they disclosed that they were married, but "the wife doesn't have to know. Wink Wink". Uhhhh... no wink wink! Sandra doesn't "wink wink" ok? In some cases "the wife" sent her man out to find someone to spice things up. Not this feminist. Women don't like to be called THE______ anything, alright? In the words of Hall & Oats, "I can't go for that... no can do."
Lastly, I know I am overweight, but please don't tell me it doesn't matter to you. I know it does. All women KNOW that it matters. Please stop telling me that you like a curvy woman, but when you meet me, tell me that you "prefer athletic women". *** News flash boys - I can lose weight, but you will always be a total prick! ***