Purpose

I've been thinking about my sense of purpose as of late. Seriously wondering what mine is. Am I here to be a good friend to people that cannot reciprocate for whatever reason? Maybe I am here to help other people feel good about themselves and show them someone cares. If that is my purpose, am I doing a good job of it?  If I was a good friend, wouldn't people want to spend time with me? Wouldn't I be with people on the weekends instead of alone all the time? If I was a good friend, wouldn't people reach out to me more often? I am the one that calls to say, "What are you doing this weekend? Want to get together?" The usual reply is, "I am busy for the next 3-4 weekends." They have busy & fulfilling lives. I want this. How do I make that happen?. I invite people to a party at my place & the "I'm busy" replies roll in like waves on a beach. What am I doing wrong?

I've been seeking out volunteer opportunities. If I don't have friends to spend time with at least I could donate my time to people that need it. Still unsure where to volunteer. I need to do something, but what? I want to feel a sense of community w/ friendships and something that connects me here. I'm just not feeling that.



I recently asked my supervisor why I wasn't chosen for a preceptor role @ work & she replied, "They were looking for people that are good teachers, good communicators, are approachable and have an advanced technical skill set." I've been a Wellness Counselor for 7 years & I am a damn good one, but she was telling me that I am NONE of those things?  It was like a knife in my gut. I take pride in the work I do as a Wellness coach, but I guess it isn't good enough. Now I know how my co-workers view me. Maybe my friends view me as unapproachable. Dear God, If I am unapproachable I wish someone would tell me!  What is my purpose? I wish I knew.


“Things are so hard to figure when you live from day to day in this feverish and silly world.”    ~Jack Kerouac, On the Road